Dirty Rotten Swine Flu, a new lethal variant of H1N1 discovered.
Netherlands : The World Health Organisation today warned of an new, extremely lethal variant of the H1N1 virus, referred to by Medical Researchers as ‘Dirty Rotten Swine Flu’, spreading fast across the world. In an alarming twist, a study conducted across 11 countries shows that 87% of the victims so far are either lawyers, politicians or investment bankers dealing with exotic derivatives.
Dr Jacobs, director of the Epidemic Watch committee at WHO, said that the impact of Dirty Rotten Swine Flu is likely to be far more than the regular H1N1 variant. “It has to be kept in mind that these professions are the most ‘thickskinned’ and hence their natural defense mecchanisms were thought to be far stronger. But the fact that the virus has got to them, shows its extreme lethal nature”, he said.
Preliminary reports conducted at the Centre for Disease Control, CDC, indicate that the virus spreads through golden handshakes, false pats on the back, meaningful & opportune winks, slimy self absorbed laughter, rubbing together of the hands with glee, high fives, back handed compliments & underhand dealings – all of which are incidentally trademark gestures and habits that millions of lawyers, politicians & investment bankers live with, every day.
Charles Jr the IIIrd, a trader at the equity desk for Goldman Sachs, told Utopia, “I feel like a sitting duck and am probably this far from being a Dirty Rotten Swine. Isnt the government supposed to do something about this? What do they do with the taxes I pay on the miniscule part of my income that is not repatriated to tax havens?”, he exclaimed with the aggressive posturing that has come to represent these professions.
Dr Hoja, a practicioner of the Unani form of medicine in India called the Dirty Rotten Flu Virus a ‘robinhood’ of the virus world as it affected “only the rich & the crooked”. However, hope sprung for thousands of affected patients when he added that the Unani system had a cure for the condition.
Unfortunately, 2 minutes after his announcement, DBC&SL Inc,a billion dollar conglomerate announced in New York that they had taken over the Unani practitioners business & would release a commercial vaccine for Dirty Rotten Swine flu soon & that they were filing for a patent for the Unani way of medicine. DBC&SL promised potential investors with a wink that the cure would be made available at a “fair” price.
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