Stockholm: Faced with unprecedented criticism over the decision to award the Nobel peace prize to Obama – a rookie president, the Nobel committee announced George Bush – one of the greatest yet unsung leaders of this century – as the recipient of the Nobel prize in literature.

The announcement comes after the entire world had reacted vehemently against giving Obama the peace prize, especially when his only contribution to world peace so far has been mild, self depreciating humour.

Shanghai: The chinese government, the majority stakeholder in the 250 BN dollar worldwide fortune cookie business, yesterday announced that statutory disclaimers will be printed on all subsequent fortune cookie messages.

Lt Gen Shin Lee, a mouthpiece for the government, told Utopia that the move was intended to avoid giving “too much” false hope to individuals who are reeling under heavy economic & personal troubles.

New Delhi: The Moon Minerology Mapper(M3) carried by Chandrayaan I, India’s first lunar mission has discovered remnants of a Mallu Teashop on the Moon.

Speaking to reporters, the ISRO Chairman said that while the complete data analysis will take a while, the M3 picked up distinct traces of water, tea dust, rudimentary vessels used to make tea, a wooden bench and bits of newspaper – all of which are the typical ingredients of a well run Mallu Tea Shop.

Netherlands : The World Health Organisation today warned of an new, extremely lethal variant of the H1N1 virus, referred to by Medical Researchers as ‘Dirty Rotten Swine Flu’, spreading fast across the world. In an alarming twist, a study conducted across 11 countries shows that 87% of the victims so far are either lawyers, politicians or investment bankers dealing with exotic derivatives.

San Fransico : Dilbert, known to many as the one who gave a voice to the community of software engineers, lost his job yesterday as part of an organisation wide readaptisation-to-changing-consumer-needs drive.

The news spread shock and terror in the world of animation, as Dilbert was widely seen as a survivor having successfully tackled numerous trips to Elbonia & a number of run-ins with Ratbert & Dogbert.

Mumbai: In a fitting tribute to the power of popular cinema over human behaviour, a recent study has shown that the cinematic epic ‘Quick Gun Murugun’ substantially improved understanding of the Madrasi culture among North Indians. The study which was conducted by Masala Dose, a top notch Chennai based consumer research firm, covered 4 major North Indian cities – Mumbai, Ahmedabad, Calcutta & Delhi and about 842 respondents.

The study covered the broad topics of Language, Food, Costumes and Tradition.

Cape Town : The famous self appointed, not-for-profit volunteer organisation, Indian Moral Police (IMP) inaugurated their first overseas chapter in South Africa yesterday with a token protest against the IPL cheerleaders. Dr S S Swami, the honourary guest at the event formally declared the chapter open by the ceremonial burning of an effigy of the IPL commissioner, Lalit Modi & wanton breakage of three pre selected vehicles.

Mumbai: Utopia has learnt that various political parties, inspired by Bollywood have lined up some bold & “different” marketing campaigns to woo the unsuspecting voter.

Forensic & geography experts working in conjunction with Utopia have managed to track the dates eaten by the terrorists during 26/11 to a palm tree in the South Western Frontier Province, Pakistan.

Nigeria : Global investment banks reacted with caution to an announcement by Gen Major Sesay Massaquoe that he was ready to pump in 200 BN dollars to revive the world economy, provided someone can put in an initial investment of 100,000 Euros.